Rope

        

         “The knot at the end of the rope is not for hanging onto but for untying so you can reach just a little bit farther.”  I typed that into the notes function on my phone as I was in the middle of the third crisis in four days with a third close friend. It seemed the lives of everyone around me were falling apart and I did not know how much more I could handle, yet in the middle of each crisis, I found the way to go just a little bit farther and handle the additional challenge lying before us.

         I consider it a blessing that my friends (and my students) trust me enough to come to me whenever life goes awry.

         I find it terrifying that sometimes they tell me months later that something I said to them really stuck with them. (“What did I say?” I wonder, and “Is it something I would stand by today?”)

         The idea of the knot and continued service to others has been on my mind since the week in which I confronted the many crises as the months since then have continued to be filled with illness and deaths of people close to me. Recently, in my Bible study, I revisited the passage in 1 Corinthians that discusses gifts (Chapter 12) and have tried to figure out which one(s) of them applies to me. When my friends face a crisis, although sometimes overwhelmed by the immensity of immediate situation, I draw strength in providing assistance/comfort: instead of being drained, I am energized. To experience such stamina must be some kind of gift though I have a hard time identifying it in Pauline terms.

         In the midst of thinking about all of this, someone, after sharing concerns with me, apologized for making me worry about them. I tried to share with the person that the concern I have as a caregiver is not the same as worry and that it energizes me. At best, the explanation fumbled about the topic. I do not completely understand how it works much less possess enough understanding to explain it to anyone else.

         I am certainly not the only one around with this this gift. I work with a team of people who daily demonstrate their ability to work in the most challenging situations. Actually, everyone I know who successfully works in a Title 1 school maintains this gift. Not one of those people I know considers themselves special; they see the work as a calling and as vital to their lives as breathing. To work in the environment without being able to rejuvenate from negotiating challenging situations is too exhausting to continue the work for many years.

         My frustration never comes from the students with whom I work. Frustration comes from the politicians, media, and community who fail to see the challenges we face because we are dealing with real, vulnerable people. Even some so-called allies in education reform do not recognize that we are dealing with people not products. Those outside education often look for a cookie cutter product walking across the stage despite, very often, having defied the system to create their own path to success.

         Regardless of the perceptions of the politicians, media, and community, I am resolute in my determination to do the best I can do for every student who crosses my path. It is my educator gospel. With the correct degree of compassion and passion I can continue to survive the challenges that come from working with real people. My students, also, will survive outside the classroom.

         Resiliency is not just about me thriving when others share their difficult times with me. Resiliency means that they do are surviving through their hard times. Daily I find something amazing about my students that the rest of the world may find mundane. That is what brings me back to school every day.

         And I keep untying knots.